You thought it would last forever…until it didn’t. Being in love with someone who decides to end the relationship is one of the most painful things that we can experience. No one is equipped to deal with the pain that a broken heart brings.
You are in shock. You feel lost and alone. If this came out of the blue, you may be completely confused about what went wrong. Many people say, ”I didn’t see this coming, I thought we were happy.” Others have known about the problems for a long time but either didn’t know what to do to fix them, or they stayed committed to the relationship in hopes that they would figure it out.
Or occasionally, someone has discovered their partner has been hiding a significant secret that makes it extremely difficult for trust to be rebuilt and for the relationship to continue. (These are called felony lies…the kind of lie that had it been previously known, the partner would have made a different decision about the relationship. These are particularly traumatic.) If this has happened to you, not only will you be dealing with heartbreak, but you will be trying to manage all the ways your brain tries to make sense of the new information.
Regardless of your scenario, the worst thing can be that the one person you are accustomed to leaning on during difficult times, the one person you want to lean on now, is no longer available to be your rock or your soft place to land.
The pain can be palpable, and it is real. Our brains register emotional pain in the same part of the brain as physical pain. We also know that having a broken heart lights up the addiction and craving centers in the brain, which makes you long for your beloved more strongly than you did when you were together.
Your friends and family are well meaning, but in their attempts to get you feeling better faster than you may be ready, they may say things that feel dismissive (“He was no good anyway.” “You’ll find someone new in no time.” “You should just move on.”) This can add to your feeling of loneliness and isolation.
You desperately want your partner back, but you also want relief from the pain.
The good news is that you don’t have to go through this alone! Our therapists are specifically trained to be able to sit with you and all the painful and confusing feelings you may be having, without trying to talk you out of having them. We understand that you need time to heal, you need understanding about what happened. We know what things you can do to help you get on the path of healing, and what things to avoid that will only prolog your suffering.
Call now to schedule an appointment with us so you can have a truasted partner through your heartbreak to healing journey.
SDH Counseling is LGBTQI+ affirming.