If you or your spouse are considering divorce, it is a difficult time in your marriage. If one of you wants to save the marriage but the other isn’t so sure, it can be hard to gain momentum in any direction. Stay or Go Counseling is designed for you. Also known as Discernment Counseling, it’s a chance to take some time to look at the options for your marriage. (Don’t be thrown by the words “marriage” and “divorce.” This is shorthand to include anyone in a committed relationship.)
Discernment Counseling is a new way of helping couples where one person is “leaning out” of the relationship—and not sure that regular marriage counseling would help—and the other is “leaning in”–that is, interested in rebuilding the marriage.
The counselor will help you decide whether to:
The goal is for you to gain clarity and confidence about a direction, based on a deeper understanding of your relationship and its possibilities for the future. The goal is not to solve your marital problems but to see if they are solvable and if you both want to do what it will take to solve them.
You will each be treated with compassion and respect no matter how you are feeling about your marriage at the moment. There are no bad guys and good guys.
You will come in as a couple, but the most important work occurs in one-to-one conversations with the counselor. Why? Because you are starting out in different places.
The counselor respects the reasons for divorce while opening up the possibility of restoring the marriage to health. The counselor also emphasizes the importance of each of you seeing your own contributions to the problems and the possible solutions. This will be useful in future relationships, even if this one ends.
Discernment Counseling is NOT marriage counseling. It is brief and time limited, usually between 1 and 5 sessions, and it helps you decide if you want to spend the money and effort on marriage counseling. The first session is usually two hours and subsequent sessions are 1.5 hours.
Discernment Counseling is not Suited for these situations:
Watch this video for more information from the developer of Discernment Counseling:
SDH Counseling is LBGTQI+ affirming.